For too many years, almost everything I did was because I wanted a family. The conditions seemed right: A total babe on my arm, a house to call my own, my own company & team, Silicon Valley investors, a career in tech going from strength to strength…
I had stopped trying to improve the world through software (an evolution of the original dream at University which was to change the world from inside ESA or NASA). I did what many men do when they fall in love. I was just trying to do something better than anyone else was, or better than most, to build the secure and stable finances that a woman expects. Be a man, earn money, become a Dad, become a husband.
My career, like many men, became a means to an end.
When that chapter on my life ended, I ran away to Spain then wrote a book as part of that healing process and gave myself a free pass for a “Healthy Reset” (the book royalties helped that free pass period, I wont lie). Highly recommended by the way in extreme circumstances, and of course, I’m fast to recommend using my book as 1 of many tools to support you on your own Modern Viking awakening moment.
But creating/uncovering a warrior was only one half of the fix: a warrior needs something to fight for!!!
I couldn’t have told you in those pages how to find that cause. To be honest, I wasn’t even fully aware at the time of writing the book just how important that missing piece was. Nor would I have felt genuine at such a young age to talk about such deep realisations.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned in the last few years, it’s that a man needs a cause to fight for, if he wants to fight at his best.
Testosterone Needs Direction
It’s a simple concept, but easy to overlook when “Life’s OK”. The house renovations are moving along & the garden’s looking nice. You’re getting on better with your boss & the christmas bonus should cover the family holiday next year. You get laid a few times a month & the wife doesn’t appear to be fucking her Personal Trainer. Result.
Small skirmishes bringing small victories but pulling focus from the grand Kingdom you probably dreamed of building through your teens and 20’s. Small, tedious victories don’t satisfy generals, but they keep you placated. Comfortable.
Whether it was getting my ass kicked by some coked-up Rugby players in London as a bouncer, or listening to Michael Bay scream orders across a battlefield while filming on Transformers 5, I’ve tried to spend the last few years as uncomfortable as possible. My only real mission: “Do stuff, well”. I knew I needed to get as excited as I was about technology 10 years ago.
My method (and I recommend it) was to intentionally throw myself into new opportunities just to give serendipity a chance: I followed omens (meh, that’s a longer blog post), I buried my ego to try entry-level jobs, I tried to spend evenings and weekend out of the flat, I trained at multiple gyms.
I’m not saying you’re not fulfilling your potential as a man if you sit at home playing Xbox because you’ve had a crazy week at work. Actually, I am.
I’m The Warning, Not The Example
Not to say I didn’t get distracted: of course since the book came out and adding abs and pecs, I dated again. Why not? London can be a fun place for a 6’5″ model/actor & bouncer.
But it’s too easy to feel shadows of your old, worse self when rubbing up against old vices: Hit cool penthouse parties, hit the blow, meet party girls etc. But hey, if I knew what the fuck I was doing with women or dating yet, I’d be cashing in selling dating courses!
One advantage of my “part-time job” today as an Influencer is that I get to be an overly self-analysing guy. This means I’m constantly trying to introspectively find new book ideas or entice out a nugget of wisdom for the loyal tribe who still follow me on social media. But it also means I’ve been quick to spot in myself whenever I lost that outward, species-level ambition. It’s easy to spot because the fire inside slowly consumes itself and you can see the burn marks on the people all around you at the time.
It’s not easy or common to spot in yourself when thats happened. And other “comfortable” men around you won’t call you on it. It takes a King to tell another King when he’s wasting himself in middle-management.
It’s not that men need to keep fighting in a literal sense – otherwise brawling as a South London Bouncer would have felt fulfilling, right?
But men of significance, men who want to become significant, men who want to be remembered like Alexandra The Great, Genghis Khan or Ragnar Lothbrok, those men fought for a cause much greater. Greater than your promotion, sleeping with the hot girl from accounting, or making your first million.
Those men had a vision of the world different than what they saw, and they used the strength of their will to bend and shape reality until it fit their own vision.
I Can’t Tell You Your Cause
It was only recently that I discovered my own. Nordic Botanics gives me probably the best opportunity I’ve ever had to heal people on a global scale. Learning about their pain or discomfort, and taking it away with plant goo.
It has the perfect variety of customers for me: Pro Athletes, keeping me connected to the very pinnacle of strength sports (and joining the inside circles of men who I’ve watched & looked upto for years) but also family customers, who share regular updates on their children’s progress with CBD supplements and the improvements in their way of life. As a young guy without his own family, that’s actually a pretty gnarly feeling.
Healing people with a globally respected premium brand. It’s feels right.
If you told me 5 years ago, when an ex-partner was advising me the best way to clear my Silicon Valley debts and hold face was to commit suicide, that one day in the future I’d be healing people with plant goo mixed with weed, I’d have laughed my ass off.
We don’t adopt causes immediately. And some causes seem just too big or too difficult.
But here I am. Fighting. Where are you?